When you feel like killing someone...

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house, and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern, with a knife stuck in the side of its head, with a note that says "you". After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.– Jack Handey